Navigating Changes in a Loved One’s Ability to Care for Themselves

Balancing work, kids, and caring for aging parents can sometimes feel like juggling flaming swords while riding a unicycle. Noticing that your parents are having trouble taking care of themselves can be concerning and emotional. We’re here to help! Here are some steps to help you navigate this situation:

1. Observe and Document Changes:

• What to Look For: Note any changes in their physical appearance, behavior, or daily routines. Are they forgetting to take medication, neglecting personal hygiene, or struggling with household chores?
• Why It Matters: Documenting these changes can help you understand the extent of the issues and provide clear examples when discussing your concerns with them or healthcare professionals.

2. Initiate a Compassionate Conversation:

• How to Start: Approach the topic with empathy and care. Choose a calm and private setting and express your observations without judgment.
• What to Say: Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, "I’ve noticed you seem to be having trouble with [specific task]. How can I help you with that?"

3. Assess Their Needs:

• Areas to Evaluate: Look into various aspects such as medical care, daily living activities, financial management, and social interactions.
• Getting Help: Consider involving a professional, such as a geriatric care manager, to perform a thorough assessment.

4. Explore Resources and Support:

• Local Services: Research community resources like senior centers, meal delivery services, and transportation assistance. Check out your local Area Agency on Aging for the resources in your area. There are also websites like AgeWise Colorado that have consolidate many additional resources in specific areas to address specific needs. 
• In-Home Care: Look into home health aides or visiting nurses who can provide assistance with medical and daily living needs.

5. Involve Healthcare Professionals:

• Doctor's Visit: Encourage your parents to see their doctor for a comprehensive health check-up. Sometimes underlying health issues can cause a decline in self-care.
• Specialists: Depending on their condition, a visit to specialists like geriatricians, neurologists, or therapists might be necessary.

6. Address Legal and Financial Matters:

• Documentation: Ensure that legal documents like power of attorney, wills, and healthcare directives are up to date.
• Financial Planning: Review their financial situation and explore options like long-term care insurance or other financial products that might help cover future care costs.

7. Modify Their Living Environment:

• Safety First: Make modifications to their home to enhance safety and accessibility. This could include installing grab bars, improving lighting, and removing tripping hazards.
• Consider Alternatives: If living at home is no longer safe or feasible, explore options like assisted living or nursing homes.

8. Seek Support for Yourself:

• Caregiver Support: Joining support groups, either online or in person, can provide emotional support and practical advice.
• Professional Guidance: Don’t hesitate to seek advice from social workers, elder care experts, or counselors to help you manage the stress and responsibilities.

9. Regularly Reassess the Situation:

• Ongoing Monitoring: Keep an eye on their condition and needs, adjusting the care plan as necessary.
• Open Dialogue: Maintain regular communication with your parents and involved professionals to ensure their needs are continually met.

10. Encourage Social Interaction:

• Stay Connected: Help your parents stay engaged with family and friends to reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness.
• Community Involvement: Encourage participation in community activities or senior programs to keep them active and socially connected.

Bonus Tip: Humor is Your Best Friend

When in doubt, laugh it out. Sometimes, a little humor can lighten even the heaviest of loads. Share funny stories, enjoy the little moments, and remember – you’re doing an amazing job.

Helping your aging loved ones can be challenging, but with the right resources and a lot of love, it’s absolutely manageable. It’s important to approach this situation with patience, empathy, and respect. Each step you take will help ensure your loved ones get the support they need while maintaining their dignity and independence as much as possible. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Reach out, plan ahead, and take it one step at a time. 

Don’t forget that we have built a network of professionals who specialize in different areas of aging – Medicare, social security, geriatric care managers, housing specialists, elder planning attorneys, long-term care options, and much more. Please let us know how we can support you on this journey. 

If you’re looking for additional support, check out some of these books for Helping Aging Loved Ones 

1. "The 36-Hour Day" by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins
   • A comprehensive guide for families caring for those with Alzheimer's disease, dementia, and other cognitive disorders. It offers practical advice on managing daily tasks, handling stress, and finding support.
2. "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End" by Atul Gawande
   • This book explores the realities of aging and end-of-life care, encouraging readers to focus on quality of life and meaningful conversations about the future.
3. "How to Care for Aging Parents" by Virginia Morris
   • A well-rounded guide covering a wide range of topics, from medical issues and finances to emotional challenges and legal concerns. It’s packed with practical tips and resources.
4. "Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?" by Roz Chast
   • A graphic memoir that combines humor and heart to tell the story of the author’s experience caring for her aging parents. It’s both entertaining and deeply touching.
5. "A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents – and Ourselves" by Jane Gross
   • Written by a journalist who has firsthand experience with caregiving, this book offers insights into the healthcare system and practical advice for navigating the complexities of elder care.
6. "Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence" by Gail Sheehy
   • Sheehy provides a roadmap for caregivers, addressing the various stages of caregiving and offering strategies to cope with the emotional and logistical challenges.
7. "The Caregiver's Companion: Caring for Your Loved One Medically, Financially and Emotionally While Caring for Yourself" by Carolyn A. Brent
   • This book provides a holistic approach to caregiving, covering medical, financial, and emotional aspects, as well as self-care for the caregiver.
8. "Elderhood: Redefining Aging, Transforming Medicine, Reimagining Life" by Louise Aronson
   • A geriatrician’s perspective on aging, this book challenges stereotypes and offers a fresh look at the later stages of life, emphasizing the need for better care and understanding.
9. "When the Time Comes: Families with Aging Parents Share Their Struggles and Solutions" by Paula Span
   • A collection of stories from families who have navigated the challenges of caring for aging parents, providing real-life insights and solutions.
10. "My Two Elaines: Learning, Coping, and Surviving as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver" by Martin J. Schreiber
    • A personal account of a former governor's journey caring for his wife with Alzheimer's, offering practical advice and emotional support for caregivers.

These books cover a wide range of topics and perspectives, so you’re sure to find something that resonates with your experience and offers the help you need. Happy reading, and remember, you’re doing an amazing job navigating this journey!